The Malboro Man
by xahra99
Summary: Quistis takes Seifer on his first mission against a Malboro. It doesn't go well. Written for the 2011 girlsavesboyficathon. One-shot. Complete. Fits into my epic Satellites canon or stands alone.


The Malboro Man.

A Final Fantasy Eight fan fiction by xahra99. Written for the annual girlsavesboy challenge.

"Have you got all of your defences junctioned?" Quistis asked, searching as always for the right professional tone. It was an ongoing quest. Teaching was not easy when most of your students were the same age as you. She was beginning to realize that teaching Seifer Almasy _anything_ would never be easy even if she lived to be a hundred.

Seifer leaned against the chain-link fence of the Training Centre and rolled his eyes. He wore his dragon-leather coat and a supercilious smile that Quistis would have loved to wipe from his face."Only losers need defences."

She restrained herself. "Seifer, that is not the right attitude. I'm going to ask you one last time. Do you have defences?" She knew he'd have them junctioned. Seifer was many things, most of them infuriating, but he was far from stupid.

He sighed. "Yes."

"Good. Now tell me what you know about Malboros."

"They're giant tentacle monsters that like to fuck you up," Seifer said. "What's not to like?"

"You fail." Quistis snapped. "The correct answer is: Malboros are high level monsters whose primary method of attack is casting status effects on their enemies. They're dangerous creatures and we're very lucky to have some in the Training Centre. What's your battle plan?"

"Open with Fira," Seifer said, "then go from there."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "That is not a plan. A plan with one step is not a plan. You don't _always_ have to set things on fire."

Seifer shrugged."I like fire."

"It's predictable. What happens if I junction Fire to elemental defence? You lose."

"A Malboro can't junction." Seifer complained. "But they burn just fine."

"No they don't," Quistis snapped. "They're too soggy. But that's not the point. The point is that if I had to fight you I would know exactly what defence to use."

Seifer picked at his nails with the tip of his gunblade. He didn't look worried by the prospect of fighting one of Centra's most feared monsters."They burn fine," he repeated. "But that's not going to happen, right? We're on the same side."

"I never would have guessed." Quistis said, fighting to keep her temper. She turned around and tapped in a code on the keypad, stepping back as the double doors of the Training Centre swung open.

They didn't have to travel far before they found a Malboro. Quistis thanked her lucky stars. She wasn't in the mood to hack through a dozen low-level Grats or T-Rexaurs just to reach their quarry. But the monster was waiting for them, tentacles waving in the air as it raised its head and gurgled a greeting through its saffron lipped mouth. She expected Seifer to hesitate, but he just swung his gunblade around and cast Fira just like he'd said he would.

It turned out that Malboros didn't burn particularly well after all. Quistis followed up with Blizzaga, which doused the flames but seemed to make the Malboro angrier. It lowered its head and belched out a cloud of green smoke. Quistis had a fourfold status defence ready, protecting her against all of the monster's status effects apart from Slow. She shivered as she felt the spell take hold, freezing her in time until ever movement required superhuman endurance. She readied Esuna with an effort and cast it on them both.

Seifer had only junctioned a double status defence, which left him with Pain and Confuse as well as Slow to deal with. He shook his head as if to clear it as Esuna's green glow faded. But he didn't panic like Quistis's other students. As soon as he was free he jumped in close to the monster and began to hack away with his gunblade.

That was his first mistake. The Malboro's tentacles looked short and stubby from a distance. Up close they were longer and much more limber that they appeared. Half of the tentacles had bulbous eyes in their tips, making it near impossible to sneak up on the monster. The Malboro spat acid at Seifer. As he stepped back to avoid it, cursing as the liquor burned smoking holes in his coat, the monster's tentacle snaked out, wrapped around his ankle and tripped him up. It leaned towards him and disgorged a cloud of smoke into his face.

Quistis cast another Esuna with a sigh. She drew Bio from the monster on a whim and tossed Seifer a Cure. He held the potion in one gloved hand, but didn't take it. His eyes narrowed.

"No Mercy!" he snapped. His gunblade erupted in a volcano of fire. Quistis jumped back, muttering about minimum safe distances as she did so. Seifer spun his sword around. The edge of the blade glowed molten white, too bright to look upon. Seifer swung the sword and a bolt of white light flew from the blade like an arrow. It hit the Malboro dead centre, scything through the monster's torso like a bullet through a water-filled balloon. The Malboro collapsed and Seifer smiled for the first time since entering the Training Centre.

"Limit break," Quistis said. "Impressive."

Seifer spun on his heel to face her. He gave a mocking bow, his back to the monster, gunblade held stiffly point down at his side. Behind him, unnoticed, the Malboro began to stir.

Quistis was the first to notice its writhing. "Seifer!" she snapped. "Watch out!"

Seifer straightened and spun around. "Trepe, what in-"

The Malboro gargled out its last breath. Seifer, far too close, caught the spell full in the face. He dropped the gunblade and fell to one knee. The Malboro loomed over him like a tsunami of jellied flesh.

Quistis sighed. She flicked her white-gloved fingers and cast Haste on herself, followed by another Esuna for Seifer and Blizzaga for the Malboro. The air cracked with frost. Quistis's breath clouded in the air. She clapped her hands together and the icy air coalesced into a jagged blade of ice. It spun through the sky like a lance and pinned the Malboro to the ground. The monster twitched and exploded.

Seifer wiped fragments of Malboro from his face. "You didn't have to save me, Trepe," he snapped as he picked a shred of green flesh from his carefully gelled hair.

Quistis, who unlike Seifer actually paid attention to minimum safe distances and thus had stayed well out of the blast radius, shrugged. "Despite what you might think, I have no interest in seeing you eaten by a Malboro," she said. "And, again despite what you might think, you did very well."

"I never lose," Seifer said precisely.

"You lost to a monster that's a challenge to a party of three," Quistis corrected. "I've graded you an A-minus. Like I said, you did well. Although you could certainly be a little less abrasive."

Seifer scowled. "I'm no Trepie."

"Really?" Quistis raised one eyebrow. "I'd never have guessed."

"Really. You're a lousy teacher, Trepe. Who did you screw to get this job?"

"Myself," Quistis snapped. "And your A-minus is now a D. Don't make me fail you."

"You won't fail me," Seifer said with certainty. "If you fail me you'll have to teach this class again. Besides, you know yourself that I can kick the ass of any other cadet here hands down."

"A SeeD needs discipline, Seifer," Quistis said, and then wished she hadn't. She covered her blush and Seifer's snickers by striding to the rapidly-decomposing corpse of the Malboro and announcing loudly, "One last thing. The items monsters drop can be used to teach abilities." She bent down and picked up a tentacle.

"I am _not_ learning anything from that," Seifer said.

"You can use it to cast Bad Breath," Quistis told him. "Just like the monster itself, it casts status effects upon your enemies. Poison, Darkness, Sleep, Pain, Confuse, Berserk, Slow-the whole lot. "

"What use is that? I don't need that sh-"

Quistis turned to Seifer and cast. The Malboro's miasma rose from her hands and curled around Seifer's head. As he slowly sank to the ground Quistis turned on her heel and left the clearing although she tossed her last Esuna over her shoulder at him before she had gone too far.

The problem, she thought, wasn't saving Seifer from monsters. The _real_ problem was saving Seifer from himself.


End file.
